weddingsv make me drug and hornr
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
