you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
