Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
My liver just had a heart attack.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Randomize
