That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
