Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
