can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
