Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
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