Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
