You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
