she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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