Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
another moral hangover. fuck.
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
