update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
