I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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