If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize