I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
