My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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