3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
