Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
