So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
