the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
