Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
