My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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