you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
