haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
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