____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Randomize
