dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
