You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Randomize
