Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
someone owes me an orgasm
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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