I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
