listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Randomize
