I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I'm always down for nudity.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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