we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
