I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
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