i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
