hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
