I hate your face
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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