Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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