I think i sorta joined a cult last night
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
so let's talk penis.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Randomize
