guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
