Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
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