hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
