What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Randomize
