My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Randomize
