You made me cry and you don't even care
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Did I show you my penis last night?
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
