P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize