Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
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