I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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