talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
