Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
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