The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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