Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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