I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
