You smell like a Billy Joel song
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
a search helicopter?!
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
