Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
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