WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
