yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
