apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
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