Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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