Farmville is her only friend.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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