Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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