Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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