Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
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