I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Randomize
