i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize
