it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Randomize
