please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
Randomize
