I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
