p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Randomize
