Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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