when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
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