when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
