Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
