To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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