haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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