I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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