So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
