how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
