is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Randomize
