I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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