Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
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