O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Randomize
