it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Randomize
