Texts From Last Night

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  (720): View more from Colorado

  how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?

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  (720): how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot? http://tfl.nu/rnjj
  Replies (17) Good night (793) Bad night (3117)
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  (408): View more from California

  hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?

  (925): View more from California

  Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual

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  (408): hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened? (925): Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual http://tfl.nu/smzs
  Replies (6) Good night (4401) Bad night (612)
• Favorite

  (301): View more from Maryland

  I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...

  (443): View more from Maryland

  How'd that go?

  (301): View more from Maryland

  Hes on his way with a baseball bat...

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  (301): I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been... (443): How'd that go? (301): Hes on his way with a baseball bat... http://tfl.nu/x8jv
  Replies (14) Good night (936) Bad night (4253)
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  (414): View more from Wisconsin

  You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.

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  (414): You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning. http://tfl.nu/dt9p
  Replies (9) Good night (5297) Bad night (655)
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  (573): View more from Missouri

  my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.

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  (573): my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake. http://tfl.nu/nq7t
  Replies (49) Good night (2320) Bad night (4631)
• Favorite

  (516): View more from New York

  The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.

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  (516): The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home. http://tfl.nu/xzym
  Replies (13) Good night (6489) Bad night (1285)
• Favorite

  (780): View more from Alberta, CA

  We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.

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  (780): We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts. http://tfl.nu/8v61
  Replies (16) Good night (962) Bad night (6378)
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  (713): View more from Texas

  We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.

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  (713): We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love. http://tfl.nu/9dmy
  Replies (37) Good night (5133) Bad night (3007)
• Favorite

  (309): View more from Illinois

  The "puke-towel" started to grow something...

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  (309): The "puke-towel" started to grow something... http://tfl.nu/d1rv
  Replies (10) Good night (860) Bad night (4935)
• Favorite

  (907): View more from Alaska

  I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.

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  (907): I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind. http://tfl.nu/12c7
  Replies (3) Good night (847) Bad night (739)
• Favorite

  (913): View more from Kansas

  Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.

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  (913): Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth. http://tfl.nu/51lq
  Replies (3) Good night (661) Bad night (457)
• Favorite

  (250): View more from British Columbia

  He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.

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  (250): He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird. http://tfl.nu/qn9s
  Replies (8) Good night (696) Bad night (548)
• Favorite

  (248): View more from Michigan

  Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?

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  (248): Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand? http://tfl.nu/liba
  Replies (1) Good night (518) Bad night (293)
• Favorite

  (443): View more from Maryland

  I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.

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  (443): I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up. http://tfl.nu/vhgn
  Replies (1) Good night (838) Bad night (309)
• Favorite

  (202): View more from Washington, DC

  You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.

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  (202): You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk. http://tfl.nu/deet
  Replies (4) Good night (498) Bad night (202)

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