I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
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