is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.