either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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