Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
