upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
