Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Hippo gnu deer
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Randomize
