This girl is more easily done than said...
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Randomize
