Redeem this text for a blowjob
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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